The Ideal Couple: PART-1

We already know how Sītā and Rāma met in Mithilā. Tulsīdas's Srī Rāmcharitmānas and Kambar's Rāmāvatāram describe the first meeting in great detail. Those who want to read the retelling of the first meeting already written as a part of the Vivāha Panchamī series can read it here: https://hariharasarvam.blogspot.com/2020/12/the-first-meeting.html

It's evident that Sītā and Rāma fell deeply in love with each other right from the moment Their lotus eyes met. For Rāma, nobody was as lovely and virtuous as Sītā. He felt that He had run out of similes to praise Sītā. Jānakī's love was so deep that She admired at the fortune of the moon for sharing its name with Rāma. She also prayed to Devī Umā to make Rāma victorious. The moment Rāghava broke the bow was the happiest moment of both Sītā and Rāma. 

At the end of Bāla Kānda, Vālmīki beautifully describes the love of Sītā and Rāmachandra who spent many happy seasons in each other's company.

• "With His heart fixed on Sītā to whom He was always devoted, Rāma, the wise went about enjoying with Her (the beauty of) all the seasons.
• Sītā became Rāma's beloved Wife. With Her virtue and beauty His affection for her grew further.
• For Sītā Her Husband was doubly dear. They were clearly communicating through each other's heart every thought generated in the mind.
• Sītā was an embodiment of Lakshmī. In beauty She was like a Goddess. Born in the city of Mithilā as Daughter to Janaka, She was always especially dear to Him.
• Rāma, united with the most charming Princess Sītā, shone like Vishnu, Lord of the gods in the company of Lakshmī."

This shows us the relationship shared by Sītā and Rāma throughout Their life. Sītā's qualities made Rāma's love for Her increase day by day. He was devoted to Jānakī and never looked at another woman. Sītā and Rāma communicated through Their hearts alone and Their mutual understanding never wavered.

After Rāma accepted His exile, He conveyed the news to His Mother Kaushalyā. He then went to Sītā's chamber. Jānakī read Rāma's mind and understood His thoughts and emotions. She questioned Rāma and correctly interpreted the scenario. It was in Sītā's presence that Rāma was able to express His emotions freely. This shows how comfortable Jānakī and Rāghava were with each other. We also get to know how concerned Sītā was about the events in Rāma's life.

These are some verses from Vālmīki Rāmāyana narrating this scene:

• On seeing Her, the virtuous Rāma could not contain the sorrow in His mind which manifested (through his external appearance).
• On seeing Rāma with a pale face. indignant and heavily perspiring, Sītā, consumed with grief said, "My Lord, why are you now like this?
• O scion of the Raghu race, today has been declared by learned brahmins a suitable and auspicious day for consecration under Pushya star with Brihaspati as presiding deity. Then why are you dejected?
• (How is it that) O best among men eloquent panegyrists, charioteers, bards are not seen singing your praise with auspicious words?
• How is it that the chief ceremonial chariot, decorated with gold and harnessed by four galloping horses is not preceding you?
• How is it that when arrangements are under way now for your consecration, the complexion of your countenance does not look like what it was before? There is no joy on your face."

Rāma narrated what had happened and told Sītā to stay in Ayodhyā. He instructed Sītā to wait for His return and look after His three mothers and King Dasharatha. Raghunātha also wanted Sītā to treat Bharata and Shatrughna affectionately as Her own brother and son respectively.

Now let's understand that Sītā was an outspoken Woman with a strong mind of Her own. Sītā was a caring and loving Wife, not an obedient and submissive one. She was surprised at how Rāma asked Her to stay back and gently expressed Her anger out of love. Vaidehī was aware of Her wifely duties and spoke back, insisting Rāghava to let Her accompany Him.

• O Āryaputra! Father, mother, brother, son or daughter-in-law (everybody) experiences the merit (of their past deeds)and receives what is due from destiny.
• A wife alone, O best of Men, shares the destiny of her husband. I am also therefore, ordered to dwell in the forest.
• It is not her father or mother, nor her son or herself, nor her friends but her husband alone who gives a woman the permanent refuge in this or in the next world.
• O Son of the Raghus! If you set out for the impenetrable forest now itself, I shall also go walking ahead of you and crushing the thorns and (spiky) kusha grass.
• Do take me with you, O valiant one, without hesitation! Dismiss all anger and envy (from your mind) like the leftover water after drinking. There is no fault on my part.
• Protection under the feet of the husband is better than being on top of a lofty building or in aerial cars or in moving through the sky or in attaining all types of positions.
• My mother and father taught me of different matters long ago. I need not be told how to deal in any way with anyone.
• I will also go to the forest, which is impassable, uninhabited, teeming with various kinds of animals and infested with tigers and wolves.
• Free from any anxiety about the three worlds, my only concern will be my duties towards my Husband. I shall dwell as happily in the forest as I did in my father's abode.
• I shall wander with you, O heroic Rāma, in the honeyscented forest remaining selfpossessed, always doing your service, and observing the vow of celibacy.
• When you are capable of protecting other people in the forest, what of me?
• There is no doubt that I shall go with you to the forest today. O distinguished One! I cannot be restrained from this resolve.
• Do not doubt that I shall not be able to live on fruits and roots or that I will create difficulty for you while living with You.
• I wish to enjoy the lotus lakes in full bloom, abounding in swans and ducks, in the company of a brave Husband like You.
• Observing such vows and bathing daily in the lotus lakes, I shall be very much happy to sport with you, O large-eyed One!
• Thus living in your company for a thousand years or even a hundred thousand years, I shall not feel the passing of time. I shall not desire even heaven.
• O Rāghava, tiger among men! If I were given heaven to live in without you, even that I shall not covet.
• Since I have no thought other than you and my heart is (irretrievably) attached to you, I have resolved to die if separated from you. Pray, be favourably disposed to take me. I shall not be a burden to you."

The reason I have quoted almost the entire chapter from Vālmīki Rāmāyana is to emphasise how Sītā was of great will and never hesitated to voice Her thoughts. Jānakī made it clear that the Husband was the ultimate shelter of the Wife who was the sole sharer of His fate.  Sītā conveyed that She need not be told how to deal with things as Her parents had already instructed Her. She didn't want to be separated from Rāma even for a moment and also never wanted to be a burden to Him. So Sītā repeatedly stated how She would enjoy Her stay in the forest, serving Rāma and feeling content with whatever was available in the wilderness. She expressed Her trust and confidence in Her Lord and even volunteered to walk ahead of Rāma to crush all the sharp grasses. For Vaidehī, heaven, power, riches and aerial cars were worthless in front of Rāghava's protection. She knew very well that She had nothing to fear as Rāma would be there for Her at any situation. One can feel the depth of Sītā's pure love by reading the quoted verses. I have run out of words to describe and analyze it!! 

Rāma was a caring Husband. He consoled Sītā affectionately. He didn't want Her to suffer from the hardships of forest. So He tried His best in convincing Sītā to stay back. He narrated the dangers lurking in different places and wanted Sītā to be safe.

• "Born in a noble race, O Sītā, you are always devoted to duty. Follow your duty here. It will make me happy.
• Give up the desire to live in the forest, O Sītā! Living in the dreary jungle has many hardships.
• I am saying all this in your interest. The forest is a haven of hardships. I know of no happiness in the forest.
• Big, wild animals, moving about freely and sporting in the deserted forest, attack on seeing a human. Thus forest is full of danger.
• The rivers, infested with crocodiles and filled with mud are difficult to cross even for elephants in rut. Hence forest life is always extremely dangerous.
• The paths full of thorny creepers, echoing with the noise of wild fowls, and with no water are difficult to tread. So forest is a source of suffering.
• Exhausted with struggles one has to sleep at night on a bed of leaves fallen on their own on the ground. Therefore, forest life is extremely painful.
• With the senses under control night and day, O Sītā, one must be satisfied with the fruits fallen from trees. Therefore, forest life is full of suffering.
• The wanderers in the jungle, O Maithilī, have to be satisfied daily with whatever little food is available. So forest life is hard.
• There is extreme wind and darkness, hunger and fear. Therefore forest life is difficult.
• There are various forms of fierce reptiles fearlessly crawling on the ground. So living in the forest is extremely dangerous.
• Birds, scorpions, insects, gnats and mosquitoes always create trouble. Therefore, life in the forest is all suffering.
• Thus forest life is not suitable for you. On reconsideration, I see that there are many dangers in forest life."
  

Even after hearing a detailed description of the challenges of a life in forest, Sītā was firm in Her decision. She didn't worry about all the hurdles while Rāma was worried about Sītā's safety. Jānakī didn't desire wealth or comforts. She was prepared to bear and battle all the hardships listed by Rāma. Out of love, Sītā was filled with grief and shed tears. She convinced Rāma again and again to let Her accompany Him. Sītā believed all the difficulties will turn into benefits in the affection and presence of Rāma. Vaidehī declared that all the terrifying dangers and beasts would flee away seeing Rāma's prowess. She also informed Rāghava that Priests and Mendicants had foretold about Her stay in the forest.

• "When I was young in my father's house, a holy female mendicant foretold in the presence of my mother that I would dwell in the forest.
• Pleased with my long entreaties in the past to dwell with you in the forest, O Lord, you had granted my desire.
• Since then I have been counting time for this forest life. It pleases me to follow my valiant Hero as He lives in the forest. 
• O purehearted One! By following my Husband with love I shall become sinless, because my Husband is my God.
• Why don't you want to take to the forest your own Wife who is loyal and devoted, and is also of good conduct?
• O Rāma, I am faithful and devoted to you. I have equal disposition to your happiness and sorrow. I equally share your prosperity and adversity. Therefore, you should take your Wife in this time of distress.
• If you do not wish to take me to the forest, I shall die by consuming poison or throwing myself into fire or drowning in water."

Jānakī's words echoed Her resilience and resolve. She didn't plead or give up, nor did She obey and remain silent. She knew what She had to do and put forth Her feelings and opinions clearly. Sītā questioned Rāma and emphasised that She was not only His Wife, but also His Sahadharmacharinī. She was devoted to Rāma and wanted to share His happiness and sorrows alike. She was ready to face all the challenges in Her life and undergo what had been predicted. Sītā had deep faith in Rāma and never feared anything. She was pleased to follow Her beloved Lord to the forest. Her Husband was Her Hero and God. Sītā didn't threaten Rāma by saying that She would end Her life (some people love to point out these as 'threatenings') but expressed how She couldn't live without Him. Sītā was NOT a lady who would make lofty statements and threats for the sake of talking. She was an upright and ideal match of Rāma so Sītā really meant what She had said. She was wholeheartedly ready to sacrifice Herself for the sake of Rāma. According to Jānakī, Her life had no meaning without Her Rāghava.

Raghunātha respected Sītā's decision and patiently listened to everything said by Sītā. He didn't argue but politely expressed His opinions too. Rāghava couldn't bear to see His beloved in grief and pacified Jānakī in many ways. Still He refused to take Sītā with Him. Agitated by Rāma's repeated refusals, Sītā finally upbraided Him out of love, jest and anger.

• "O Rāma, what did my Father, King of Mithilā and belonging to Videha, think of himself, having obtained you, a woman in the guise of a man as a Son-in-law?
•  Alas! That will be falsehood if people out of ignorance say that there is supreme splendour in Rāma like the shining Sun while it is not to be found."

Sītā was not afraid to confront Her Rāma. She fearlessly reproached Him for not letting Her accompany Him. These words do NOT mean that Sītā doubted the capability of Her Lord or insulted Him. As an instinctive act, Jānakī said those words to make Rāghava take Her with Him. Another noteworthy point is that Rāmachandra wasn't egoistic. He displayed NO rage on hearing those words. As a Man of true masculine qualities, Rāma did not get offended. Any other man would have hurled harsh words or physically hurt his wife for using sharp words against him but Rāghava was silent, and cool. This shows that Rāma treated Sītā with full respect and never misunderstood Her. He saw the pure love behind those admonitions by Jānakī. Many people quote these statements to label Sītā as a 'Tongue Lasher' and 'Arrogant Woman'. According to some people, these words are a part of Sītā's 'sins'. Such notions are totally wrong, illogical, silly and pathetic! Sītā was a wise Woman. She knew how Rāma made Her feel comfortable to express Her thoughts. She was aware that Her relationship with Rāma was not just a marital bond but a deep and unbreakable friendship in which both of Them were free to advise each other and speak out. Apart from trying to convince Rāma to let Her accompany Him, I opine that Sītā understood the noble nature of Rāghava and used the above mentioned words to indirectly say, "You are a true epitome of all virtues. You bear no grudge towards anybody. You know my intention behind those words and did not get provoked. Inspite of that, why are you not comfortable with me accompanying you to the forest?" Thus, we understand the courteous demeanour of Rāma through Sītā's words. 

Sītā continued, 

• "What may be the cause for your fear and dejection that you want to desert me who has no other recourse?
• O valiant One! Know me to be as dependent on your will as Sāvitrī who was devoted to Satyavān the son of Dyumatsena.
• O faultless Rāghava!  I am not like other women who bring disgrace to their family. I have not looked at any one except You, even with my mind's eye. I will go to the forest along with you.
• I have been living with you for a long time, O Rāma! I am young and chaste. Why do you, like an actor, wish to hand me over to others?
• You, O sinless Rāma, may become subservient and obedient to him whom you speak of welfare, and for whose sake I am being kept back. But You should not depart for the forest without taking me. Be it for penance or for the forest or for heaven, I wish to be with you."

Many people say that Sītā was forcing Her love on Rāma. A very big NO to that. Sītā was just vocal about Her dedication to Rāma. She conveyed that Rāma was Her only recourse and He had no right to leave without Her. She didn't want to be away from Rāma for the sake of Ayodhyā. So Sītā assured Rāghava of Her devotion and made it clear that She was not like other ladies who would abandon their husbands for wealth. She was a virtuous Woman who wanted to be beside Her Husband wherever He went, irrespective of His status. It was Sītā's unwavering and sincere love that made Her stand up to Her beloved Rāmachandra and express Her wish. She informed Rāma that He was free to obey whoever He wanted but He was not supposed to leave for the exile without Her. Sītā's place is always beside Rāma who is incomplete without His Beloved. Neither of Them would bear being separated from each other. Vaidehī indirectly reminded Rāghava of this through Her arguments.

Sītā declared that She would feel no fatigue while travelling with Rāma. All the reeds and grasses would feel soft as cotton with Rāma by Her side. Dust would be like the most excellent sandal powder for Her and She would feel happier by sleeping on meadows than resting on couches and beds. Sītā stated that the leaves, fruits and roots collected by Rāma would be nectar for Her and that She won't remember Her parents and home in Rāghava's company. Vaidehī reassured Rāma that She would never be a burden or a source of sorrow to Him. For Sītā, wherever Rāma was present was Heaven. Wherever Rāma was absent was hell. Filled with love, grief and pain, Jānakī cried copiously and told that instant death was better than being forsaken. She was ready to consume poison than living without Rāma. Jānakī exclaimed in sadness, "Let alone ten and three and one years of grief (of separation), I wouldn't care to tolerate it even for a few minutes!” Tormented with sorrow, Sītā tightly embraced Rāma and wept bitterly. Tears flowed from Her beautiful eyes like water trickling from lotuses. Srī Rāmachandra melted. Out of love He hugged Sītā who had almost fainted out of anguish.

Rāma couldn't bear to see Sītā in distress and assured Her that even heaven was undesirable for Him when Sita was in grief. Rāghava informed His dear Jānakī that even though He was brave and capable of protecting Her, He had refused to let Her accompany Him because He didn't know Her intentions and opinions before. Rāma declared, "Since you, O Daughter of Mithilā, were born to go along with me to the forest, I cannot abandon you just as a man of self-respect cannot forsake his reputation. O my lovely beloved Sītā, you have taken a highly dignified decision in the right time befitting  your family, myself and yourself in all ways. Be my Sahadharmacharinī and follow me like Suvarchalā follows the Sun. O Sītā, begin right now all the preparations necessary for residing in the forest. Without you, even the very heaven does not please me."

Rāma then urged Sītā to distribute Her jewellery, clothing, chariots, couches and other articles to attendants, Brāhmanas and Mendicants. Sītā delightfully gave away all Her riches and made preparations for the exile. All these show the affection Rāma had for Sītā. He wanted to know Her preferences and choices and also cared for Her. Once He came to know what Sītā felt, He appreciated Her and welcomed Her with open arms. Just like Sītā, Rāma too didn't value material things over Sītā. She was His life. When garments of bark were handed over to Jānakī, Rāma and Lakshmana, the Brothers easily draped Themselves in the clothing as They were familiar with it. But Sītā didn't know how to wear the costumes of bark and stood helplessly with Her bashful face bent low. Rāma rushed to Her rescue and fastened the robes of bark over Sītā's silk garments. Seeing this divine love, everyone in the palace was moved greatly. Only after seeing this, Sītā was insisted to wear Her palace robes instead of bark. This shows the tender love Rāghava had for Vaidehī. He never let Her suffer any form of humiliation. He was always there for Her.

We will travel with the Divine Couple and understand Them more.

To be continued.....

Jai Siyā Rām!

Yours,

Hari Priye